Helen and the Methodist

Before Test Pilot School had even started Duncan was being interviewed by the Discovery channel as a potential candidate for a show they were pitching on test pilots at Edwards. He wasn't sure he wanted to do the interview because it isn't really his personality to be the center of attention. I reassured him, "Thats okay, Duncan, not all of us were born for the spotlight" and reminded him it was mine.

"Duncan, if you don't do this interview I'll regret it forever. I'll just die."
"Brit, it's just a Skype interview and they probably won't even make the show." -Duncan
"What should I wear? Do you think they'll interview me? Will they be able to tell we live in an RV?"
"No, no and no. Please stay in the back and close the little door."
"Well, they might want a wife's perspective, Duncan."
"Not today sweetheart."

We did not get discovered that day. Probably because Duncan wouldn't let me do any of the talking, but the opportunity was an indication of the exciting world we were entering.

On the first day of school July 6, 2015, the new test pilot class and their spouses  gathered in Scobee auditorium to watch the infamous "Helen and Roy" video. A promotional movie shot in the 1950s to encourage air force pilots to come to USAF Test Pilot School. The video takes you through Roy's thoughts and journey with occasional comments from Roy on Helen's thoughts because we all know women of the 1950s couldn't speak or make sarcastic comments. The room was filled with real spouses from all over the country with different upbringings, different professions, some beginning their military spouse career like myself, and others who had made their 4th or 5th move with multiple children born in multiple countries. The one thing we all had in common that day though was the humor we found 60 years later as Roy told the audience that his wife, Helen just loves Edwards.

It's not because Edwards is a bad place, it is just not exactly on anyone's dream sheet. The dream sheet is the top five places you want the Air Force to station you, but in reality you know that they never will. Ours is Italy, Hawaii, Alaska..... so Edwards logically is where we ended up.

Our first spouse coffee was hosted at the Air Force Test Museum on base. It started at 7pm. I was being dramatic about going because I was tired from the work day and didn't want to have to get dressed up to drink coffee at 7pm. I'd be up all night I thought and I won't have anything in common with anyone. I rather stay home and watch Netflix. Duncan reminded me of how excited I was the week before for this coffee when I had showed up a whole week early, so I went.

There were over 40 spouses in the room and the coffee was hosted by the Commandant's wife and the current senior class spouses. I learned quickly that coffee was a term used loosely amongst the spouses.

"Honey, I'm going to Syd's for 'coffee.'"

We were all asked to do an icebreaker appropriate for military spouses:

Where was your last base?
Where are you from?
How many military moves?
Your favorite base.
How you met your spouse.
How many children do you have?
Something unique about you.

As outspoken as I am I was nervous. I wanted to be interesting and I'm sure everyone else did too. The women were, dentists, nurses, accountants, engineers, stay-at-home parents, and entrepreneurs. One spouse could proficiently play 6 different musical instruments and another wrote licensing agreements for NASA Armstrong Research Center. These women were in no way wearing aprons and driving station wagons around Edwards. They were the strong, successful counterparts to their test pilot student spouses. It was that night that a new Era of Helen was born. In the movie, Helen was a young fair woman with shoulder length hair in her late twenties. Our Helen was a six-foot tall full-bearded red-headed man from Missouri who loved scotch, beef jerky, and sleeveless shirts. Helen or Steve captivated an audience with his wild stories, warmed the hearts of even the most prestigious spouses on base, and kept the girls all laughing even through the tough times. He said many of the things I dare not say, but thought because he was a man in a women's world, but yet he was so relatable to all the women. Helen like many of the others chose to stay home with his two children and his wife was the bad ass flight test engineer enduring g's from the back seat of a fighter jet. They defied all gender stereotypes and we're the quintessential modern Air Force family. He could get rowdy on Friday nights with the guys, but still cried like a baby at his daughter's dance recital. Our Helen brought color to a colorless world of matching brown homes blending into to the desert sand and tumbleweeds.

I had been introduced to Steve early on when I invited all the new spouses to a "coffee" aka wine night at my house. It was wines around the world coming to a rambunctious end in America. It was because of this night that I somehow became part of Steve's introduction that night. He shared with us how being the outlier in a female world, he hadn't always felt welcomed at many of their other bases. He said he'd immediately felt that way when he arrived to Edwards and I felt flattered as he said it was from being invited to wine night and the welcome party Carlie's. Then in front of all the other ladies he said, but Britney is the devil because I drank too much wine and felt terrible the next day. I was shocked. My first impression to our class and with the new 2-star General's wife sitting across from me after I'd already said something bone headed to the last one, I froze. His finger directed the stares of these 40 brilliant women onto my bright red face. He had outted me and now there was no way to pretend be the Louise Shepard or Annie Glenn of the group now. I retorted, "I'm not the devil, I'm Methodist!" Everyone started laughing.

When my introduction came, I told about our RV life, switching careers, and how I met Duncan, I met many people and found commonalities with everyone. It was a fantastic time and it gave me hope that these may be the best years of our lives. Steve taught me a valuable lesson in a world where we put so much pressure on ourselves to project the perfect image, just be yourself. In my case, it is way more fun. In the end, people didn't leave there thinking of the long story I cleverly crafted about myself, they left remembering I was Methodist and I know how to host a "coffee."

Helen and Roy link:
https://youtu.be/XSwZS9MY6ik

Helen and Roy

OBOGS Reed

In June of 2015, I started a Facebook page for the incoming TPS Students & Spouses, Test Pilot School that is. The military is full of acronyms and as I was starting my new job as the Commander's Secretary, I was slowly learning the "speak." On my first days of the job, I answered my giant 1980s phone with a very professional, "Hello, this is Britney." Unbeknownst to me, I wasn't even up to speed on the radio call sign assigned to me nor did I understand I had to hold down a button for you to hear me. This was going to be interesting, I can't even figure out how to answer the phone.

Duncan and I couldn't wait for the new test pilot class to arrive, 15B for the year he began. We were already at Edwards, but students would be coming from all over the country and world with two international students, from Japan and Italy. I felt like the scene in Harry Potter when all the competitors arrived from the triwizard tournament. Welcome to Hogwarts, get out your wands. Duncan just looovvees my Harry Potter references because he refuses to succumb to J.K. Rowling's genius.

As the first of the class began moving into their base-issued khaki stucco homes in neighbors with streets named for famous test pilots and Astronauts of the past, I went for my first social event solo. Duncan was in San Antonio testing out his reaction to the centrifuge and learning to fly the T-38. The first two couples I met, I was surprised and intimidated, even their spouse's were brillant engineers. Carlie had spent the last several years working as a successful engineer for General Electric and Becky was a licensed pilot, engineer, and current test pilot school instructor. Talk about power couples. At the time, I was working at the on-base youth center making life-size board games and telling sassy tweens to pick up their backpacks and legos.

One day at the youth center, I was told by a 10 year old that he was going to sue me. Cleverly or so I thought, I told him you don't have legal grounds for that. I went to law school before I worked here. The little boy retorted, then, why do you work here? Touche'. I think he won that argument.

Back to TPS, so I was trying hard not to embarrass my husband or say anything around these engineers that would put me on the outskirts of this social circle. I'd already had a rocky start at the Officer's Spouse Club. I told a lovely lady from Tennessee about how excited I was for Duncan to start Test Pilot School because we didn't have many friends and I was ready for the social events. Her husband had been in Test Pilot School some years before. I chatted with her for a while and then made the joke, I hope no one ever drinks too much and goes in the wrong house since they all look the same. I thought such a witty joke grinning to myself. Another bystander quickly corrected me. Test Pilot School is soooo serious no one would EVER do that. Just great, day one and my humor and sarcasm have brought shame down on the whole Reed name. This lady did not like my joke. Crickets.....Duncan's career.....shame shame. What to do next....create a diversion with a funny dance or pretend to be a tree....errr....no just act like an adult. This is the AIR FORCE. Not sure why I'm yelling in my mind. Breathe. Smile awkwardly. Walk away. She just happened to be the 2-star General's wife, who coincidentally is the highest ranking officer at Edwards. Pretty sure that's step 1 in the Good Air Force Wives Guide to not ruining your husband's career....."Rule 1: Don't say something stupid or inappropriate to the most important looking person on base. If you aren't sure how important they are, stop talking." "Rule 2: Stop talking."

Fortunately, the Test Pilot Couples accepted me into their good graces and we planned a big welcome get together for the new families. Yay parties.....now you're talking my language. Whoops....I mean socially responsible, philanthropic parties for the desert tortoise.

Little did I know while I was minding my Air Force wife P's and Q's at this event, my husband was down in Texas embarrassing us for different reasons. He had conquered the centrifuge and gotten what the pilots call "geasles." They are really burst blood vessels in your lower body from squeezing your leg muscles tight in order to retain blood in your head where you don't pass out. It's as painful as it sounds. They put you in a chair and spin you around where your face looks like a Sci-fi 80-year-old you in a blender and see if you pass out or not from the g-force. More like Dr. Evil torture force with sharks with laser beams attached to their heads. Anyway, he survived. Good thing right;) Back to me, so Duncan asks me about not responding to his text.....

I said, "What text?"
Duncan, "I sent you a picture of my geasles."
"I never got a text from you." -Britney
(Panic)....."Oh no...." -Duncan
"Why, what's the big deal?"
"Well, it was a picture of the geasles on my thigh." -Duncan
"Lord....who did you send THAT too?" - Britney
"Rob Hutsell." -Duncan
"Who's that? Do you know him well? Can you explain?" -Britney
"He's a left-seater from Charleston. Kind of." -Duncan
"O lord. Well, what did the text say? Maybe he'll think it's funny."-Britney
"It said what do you think about this?" -Duncan

I died with empathetic embarrassment. My introverted, distinguished husband had texted a picture of his hairy, geasley thigh to some other man. 

I asked, "Did he respond?"
"He did. He said looks bad man. I don't think this was meant for me."

Duncan and I died laughing. At least Rob was a good sport. I never told that story to anyone of Duncan's classmates.  I was given strict instructions not to tell anyone any stories about him that would result in a call sign. 

It's a common trend in the fighter pilot culture to give pilots and flight test engineers call signs, like Top Gun's famous Goose and Maverick that become very much your new name. Unfortunately for many people, the call sign has a deeper and sometimes embarrassing meaning behind it. I just knew I was going to be the reason Duncan received some embarrassing name for the rest of his career.......meet OBOGS Reed. ;) lucky for me On Board Oxygen Generation System or OBOGS did that to himself. You'll have to ask him about it.  

The Lost Coast

An hour north of San Francisco there is a quaint little fishing village known as Shelter Cove. The town is a hidden natural treasure of coastal views and giant redwood trees where dogs roam free like they are the law enforcement. Maybe they are, as the town is so isolated due to its location on the coast of the Pacific it's an hour past the Cove's only store, a traditional general store, into the next town. We were Fortune enough to be invited with our friends, the Berras to fly in their new Cirrus SR22 to the Lost Coast. The Lost Coast is an affectionate nickname given to Shelter Cove by the locals due to the ability of the town to keep its non-commercialized charm. The town wants to remain lost. There are a handful of family-owned restaurants that are the stage for local gatherings. 

The Inn at the Lost Coast

In the mornings, we sipped coffee and experienced the scene. The lady who owned the coffee shop gleamed with warmth and generosity. She gave a free coffee to a tattered man who played a little wooden pipe with his wolf dog by his side sitting on a stool at the front porch of the coffee shop. In my mind, I observed with enjoyment and secretly named the dog, White Fang. He seemed to be the mayor of dog town. Dog town was my own affectionate name I gave to Shelter Cove because everyone had their dogs with them wherever we went.

We headed to Black Sands beach 3 miles from the Inn in our courtesy shuttle. Duncan asked the lady at the front desk about putting a few dollars of gas in the shuttle and she handed him a $20 bill and apologized it was on low fuel. We were amazed at the trust given to a complete stranger. The kindness continued as we arrived to the beach. We observed some sweet older women in fire rescue shirts repainting the fire lane that some disrespectful tourists had parked in. Duncan and I both looked at each and thought they are getting towed, instead they just taped a sign to their window telling them not to do it next time. My heart smiled. It made me want to be a nicer person too. The idea of a town without police and grandmas as volunteer fire fighters. We spent the afternoon climbing on the rocks, visiting with our friends, and sitting in the warm sand. 

Black Sand Beach

There wasn't a bad seat in the entire town. Whether you were taking in the smell of salty ocean air, listening to the waves crash against the rocky cliffs like a heavenly lullaby, or being one with nature basking in the sunlight observing the seal culture flopping around napping on the rocks of the tidepools.

The tidepools and the lighthouse were my favorite. The Medicino lighthouse is the town centerpiece and a gateway to the tidepools. A short hike down the cliff there was a world of corral, aquatic life, crabs, and the seals swimming and sunbathing framed by a crystal clear aqua backdrop. Beautiful was an understatement. I felt exhilarated, humbled, proud.

Duncan, Sydney, Lee and I hanging with the seals in the tidepools. 

The King Seal

A beautiful lab having his morning coffee.

On the days I think it is hard to be away from the people I love and the world I have always known, Duncan and I have find ourselves in a new adventure with two brillantly charming friends we love so dearly. Sometimes you are blissfully unaware you have lost a part of yourself until you see who you are in a new story. On this occasion, I felt like Jane in Tarzan discovering new life. Although, my sisters would find it comical and my husband would tell you I still complained, I was a rugged outdoorsman, one with the seals, and a local fisherman telling tall tales to my wolf dog in my head. And hey, it's my story. 

The Commander's Secretary

In July of 2014, a few months after I was married, I moved out of my home in Charleston, SC to the other side of the US from my family into an RV on a military base with my new husband, Duncan.

My Dad came from a long generation of farmers. Although both of my grandfathers had served in the military, at the time, I had no idea what I was signing myself up for and had little to no experience with the USAF. However, like any good farm kid, what you don't know much about, you get out there in the world and get your hands dirty.

Serious farming ops with Wyatt

We arrived to Edwards AFB in the middle of the July, just in time to really experience the desert heat. We waited 8 months for our base house and through a series of nervous breakdowns, and 3 seasons, which are hot, hotter, and hot with excessive wind, we survived our first year of marriage and became stronger people. I write to you to keep of record of how I felt at this time in our lives, to help you share in my insanity and to pacify my dramatic spirit for my husband's sanity.

These are my lessons learned. On May 16, 2014, I became not only a wife, but also a military spouse. I'm fortunate that my oldest sister is also a military spouse, so I could share my first impressions of military life with someone other than my life partner and trailer mate. Although my husband, Duncan is always extremely supportive, growing up in a house of boys, sometimes there's a disconnect when I bust out contemporary dance moves in our kitchen, belt out gospel hymns, or choose Disney movies over horror films because I only want to watch happy endings still at 29 years old. It was also good my husband didn't hear many of real thoughts about how personal it was Rob Lowe lied to me in his commercial about what California was like or how much I irrationally feared being attacked by a coyote. Look they roam around Burger King parking lot like they own the place. 

Michelle on her "good side" even then.

Michelle, myself, and Heather Ann, aka the Sisters Westerfield 

The Reed Family, circa 1990

The Brothers Reed, 2014,  Elliott, Duncan, and Baxter

The Air Force is just a different world. I felt like Alice walking through the Looking Glass as soon as we pulled past the gate guards with their guns and their proper salutes. In some ways when we drove onto Edwards, we were driving back in time. Its row after row of little, matching, khaki homes with American flags and the neighborhood parks filled with families that could be the backdrop for a Hallmark card. The military men and women all wear uniforms and our day is oriented by reveille and retreat. It is very safe because you do not break the rules. Words on that from Duncan.

"Brit, do not park in any parking spots that have anything written on them." -Duncan

"What if they meant reserved for fun people Duncan or OG/CC might stand for Only Girls who Can't Carry things far?" -Britney

"They Don't." - Duncan 

"Also, no speeding or talking on your cell phone on base." - Duncan

This was an outrage! What? I can't talk on my phone, park in the 4,000 open spaces at the front of the store, or interpret the law as I see fit and had been taught to do in those three expensive years of professional school. This place was going to be a real blast, not.

Then Duncan had to go to work and I was by myself. It if funny how the military is always calling you a dependent and you can't go anywhere without your spouse's social security number and your whole family's shot records. In reality, you have to be the most independent dependent out there because the Air Force controls your spouse's career and as a result, your whole life, so you just learn to deal with the uncontrollable and unexpected. At first, I was scared to go to the grocery because they have rules about uniforms lines, baggers, and showing your spouse ID. I also was just scared to leave base because you can't get back on without your ID and I didn't know where to go anyways. You can't even schedule a doctor's appointment in a normal fashion because you have to call a hot line first and explain why you need an appointment.

"Ma'am, are you sure the trailer park ooze is a real thing?"

"Yes, the 4th toe on my right foot itches and I am questioning the veracity of gourmet as a descriptor of last night's bowling alley corndog."

Law school graduation, NKU 2012

I did not get this memo. I am a planner. I have all these big ideas in my head, like the fact I'd be rollin' in my black Mercedes, pimpin' in my Antonio Melani suits, and yelling at my own secretary as I worked my way towards partner in some posh law firm closer to age 30. Instead, life took me on a different path......to Edwards Air Force Base, CA. My husband was accepted into the prestigious United States Air Force Test Pilot School. A dream he had been wishing for and strategically planning for since about 6 months old. I was unemployed for the first four months when we arrived, so after finishing law school in 2012 and working in the legal field in Charleston full time for the last two years, I didn't know what to do with my time.  Everyone kept telling me to find out what I really wanted to do with my life. Other more blunt family members, told me if I had time to write this fabulous blog, I should be looking for a job a little harder. I had been crying for years for time to discover who I really am and what I really want to do with my life (well, besides the obvious eat all day and not gain weight, be best friends with Jennifer Lawrence, and watch endless HGTV shows as inspiration to remodel my Victorian mansion with Anthony from Designing Women). Now, I had all the time in the world and all the freedom in the world, but it was hard to see it that way at times. When you have lost your purpose, it is a struggle to do try out anything and being creative is hard to do when you wear athletic pajamas all day without the athletics. 

Fortunately, a kind stranger took a chance on this gal and hired me to teach art and cooking club at the local youth center. I worked there for 6 months and loved every minute. With my new found confidence through shaping the mind of young kids, I received a new full time job on base diving deeper into the miltary world as the Commander's Secretary. I have learned more than I ever wanted to know about Edwards History, aviation, and the world of flight test, but it has helped me be able to translate Duncan's world. 

With Duncan flying T-38s, C-12s, and purposingly flying F-16's out of control someone has to tell his stories of the days of the newly promoted Major-Select "OBOGS" Reed in his days as a student at the United States Air Force Test Pilot School. So, this is where our new story begins.......the next chapter to Mrs. Mobile Mansion and the Recreational Life ......"Stars, Stripes, and Sass Forever." 

Duncan's 1st Day of School, USAF Test Pilot School 2015