The High Flyers Club

At Christmas time, Duncan and I were on fast forward. We helped our best friends, the Berras move into their new base house in our neighborhood where we'd be walking distance for our spring wine nights on their backporch once again. We made fun of each others weird personal belongings. They made fun of us when we moved for some weird novelty Christmas item from my father-in-law and we teased them about the 4,000 puzzles in their middle closet. It took a whole car load to transport puzzles. They were scrambling to get everything moved in the few days they had before they left for Christmas and a three month follow on assignment to San Antonio where Lee could fly the T-38 with the USAF Test Pilot School when he returned. We were sad they'd be gone that long.

Duncan and Lee had just graduated in June from Test Pilot School themselves. Duncan and I knew when we first met the Test Pilot Couples that we wanted to be friends with the Berras. He had talked to Lee during their interviews and they both discussed being from Missouri. Sydney was a sweet, southern Texas girl that grew up on a farm like I did in Kentucky. We grew in friendship throughout the year starting off as being neighborly as I checked on Sydney after her foot surgery and Lee and Duncan talked about boring airplane things and school.

It was one night on our many dinners out with them that Duncan and I were late because we were fighting over me telling him not to wear some grandpa shirt and him throwing the shirt in the trash mad at me. This was rare for a man that never loses his cool. The Berras were also late and when they picked us up had been fighting too about similar wardrobe malfunctions and Sydney's shoes. We all laughed and knew at that moment that we didn't have to put on on show for each other. Rare to find people you can be your true self around in a world where there is constant military formality and social pressure.

As time went on, we began to make the dinners into a regular thing and before too long it was 3 or 4 times a week that we were eating dinner together as a family with them and the Vaughans. They are our family. The military creates this alternate world that we all live in where in the middle of the desert hundreds of miles away from our blood relatives you adopt strangers into your home and hearts to be your biggest assets in life. They keep you sane, they share in your joys, and you look forward to telling them about the menial tasks you did that day because they really care.

I told myself on those days I was checking on Sydney, I was just making sure she didn't need anything for her foot or at the commissary. Really, I was helping keep myself centered where I didn't get upset about how much Duncan had to study that year and she understood exactly what I was going through. Sydney is a good friend. Kind to everyone, volunteering to save all the stray animals in the world through apet, and teaching God's love to preschoolers on Sunday mornings, doing all the finances with her Accounting Masters without pay for the Officer Spouse Club's thrift store, and taking care of her family.

Sydney is special and their love for each other was one of a kind. She writes little love notes to Lee and puts them in his lunch, she covered their house in balloons and decorations the day he promoted to Major. On the week leading up to graduation, I worried that Lee might have to put a hold on her Amazon account because she bought him personalized gifts as a surprise for every day that week as part of a devotional to be a better wife that he wasn't even aware she was doing. They had so much fun together doing absolutely nothing.

Lee was her perfect match. Lee liked breweries, guns, jeeps, and airplanes. He was extremely intelligent in the book and practical sense. A distinguished graduate and good at everything he tried from career aspirations to grilling to child modeling to go kart racing. He also liked slippers, nice robes, plants and bubble baths. He planned all of our weekend trips. We called ourselves the High Flyers Club. We had our own group me between the four of us. It was mostly for memes Sydney created to aggravate Lee and Duncan and for inside jokes that Lee always seemed to call Duncan out for and embarrass him at Roll Calls. It was the happiest I've ever been in my life exploring the skies and trying out new adventures with true friends and I know Duncan feels the same way. We had all talked about moving home to MO together and buying homes in the same neighborhood where our kids could be best friends too.

Our skies are gray, our world has stopped, our hearts are weeping, but old friend know how loved you were on Earth as you watch over us from heaven. In memory of our friend, Lee "Swab" Berra who we lost on the 25th of January 2017. We miss you.

Moving Mountains

In 2012, I graduated from law school thinking by 30 I'd be working in some posh law firm, trade my camry in for an all black merecedes, and gain instant respect amongst my colleagues in an office full of leatherbound books and fresh mahogany. I was sadly arrogant, naive, and had my priorities all mixed up. I thought my greatest accomplishment would come through job satisfaction, that I'd buy a loft across from Joey and Chandler from Friends and I'd still be able to party as I wrote life-changing briefs for the Supreme Court in the wee hours of the morning.

Instead, in the last 4 years,  I've made three major moves, one from Kentucky to South Carolina, one from coast to coast, one into an RV in the middle of the Mojave Desert. I have switched jobs 7 times, married a dreamboat test pilot, and now, we are expecting our first child in May.

Just in time for my 30th birthday, my greatest accomplishment to date did not come in the form of achieving an education, but in paying for it. On a normal Wednesday, on a normal workday, Duncan and I sat at our kitchen table over lunch and clicked the button to pay off the last 3,600.00 to a whopping 120,000.00 of undergraduate and graduate school loans for one tiny, 5 ft tall, brunette that is not practicing law or doing a political science related job of any kind. Some of you may think that is insane, but many of my friends reading this, and for many young Americans, it is the norm.

I don't write this to brag about our posh life, quite the opposite in fact. I tell you our story to help others like me understand the money you save in the long run if you sacrifice now and I do it from the front seat of my busted up camry.

It was not easy. You have to change your mind set about what is important to you and stop worrying about impressing other people. Duncan and I fought a lot about budgeting, Dave Ramsey was a cuss word in our house, I literally threw the book Total Money Makeover at him and cried a lot. I still haven't read the book, sorry Dave and sorry, Janis as you bought that one for us. We did get the gist that has brought us here today.

1) Some of the big decisions we made to help us get out of debt were moving into the RV. We only did it for 8 months. We bought a 2003 Winnebago Chieftain for around 38k. We had a loan on the RV that we paid 1k on each month. This drastically reduced our living expenses. I know this isn't for everyone and towards the end we were ready to be out of our house that shook everytime you changed the TV channel.

2) Duncan sold his Cadillac Escalade for a 1997 Chevy Blazer he paid cash for. This eliminated his car payment and fortunately, my camry was paid off with help from my Mom when I graduated from law school.

3) Next, we did the envelope plan and only had one credit card for both of us. We still put auto draft bills on our one credit card and gas. However, we started with a budget we could live with and divided cash into physical envelopes for certain expenses. For example: grocery, entertainment, dog, etc. This would change depending on your household needs. You could also do it electronically with quick books folders, but there is something psychological about the physical cash and fear of being embarassed at the grocery if you don't have enough. It makes you calculate as you go and put back unnecessary items. You could use coupons if you wanted to be more aggressive, but coupons sometimes make you feel like you need to buy something because you have a coupon for it.

4) We consolidated my student loans to reduce the interest rate. This is something you will get offers from telemarketers to help you do for 700.00, but can do yourself. My interest rate was still very high, but it allowed us to start paying the principal down instead of just the interest. We did this through studentloans.gov.

5) For three years, we lived off my salary and put a majority of Duncan's towards student loan payments. Some people may say this is insane because I made around 11k a year the first year I worked. 35k the second year and 57k the third year. Some spouses might think it's more insane my husband who had no debt going into the marriage made all these sacrifices for my debt. This creates a lot of guilt for the offender and maybe some resentment on the part of the sacrificer, but you have to look at marriage as a bonding of hearts and assets and in our case unfortunately, massive student loan debt.

I caveat, I worked very hard from taking a job at the youth center teaching art, to getting into the civil service route with a secretarial job for the Air Force Base, then was promoted to Office Manager. We have been very lucky for the people along the way that helped me get here. My mindset had to change to do this. You cannot as a spouse expect to always get the luxury to find yourself or your dream job when you've signed yourself up for 120k in student loans. I cried about that too. The world lied to me. They said if I made good grades and went to school a job would be waiting on me. Cry some more, rolling around in the floor of your trailer. Grow up! My husband is a very patient man.

In the end, I hope he thinks the investment paid off. I am still going to continue working even when our new adventure begins with a baby boy, Briggs Charles Kerr Reed in May. I am still on the team for whatever is best for my family's finances and happiness. In marriage, those things often go hand in hand whether we want to admit it or not, so help each other.

As a result of Duncan's good plan and the sacrifices we made not to buy things we didn't really need, we are debt free. We also have the credit to buy a new home for our family. So, the debt doesn't end necessarily, you just take control of it.

My husband adds to this article that we did not live on rice and beans. We still traveled, we still went out to eat for elaborate sushi purchases by me, and we still had everything we needed. You have to 

find a happy medium or the plan won't work. Once you get the budget and mindset down that first month on the envelope plan when you have 500.00 left over from a budget you could never keep, it feels like a celebration. Go spend it together!

Look at me I'm all grown up now talking about boring budgets and marital sacrifice. Insert dramatic pose. So this is my 20 year old self judging my soon to be 30 year old self saying you are lame, but feeling proud today of what the other side of this mountain looks like.